Dave

Dave;

Today you would have been thirty six. I hope you're in a good place; happy and carefree. The only two things I’ve ever wished for you. To this day I love and miss you so much. The pain from losing you hasn’t lessened in the twenty years since you’ve left us. I hope to see you one day; happy and smiling, playing you’re guitar without a care in the world. The world missed out when we lost you.

I love you big brother.

New year. New start?

I've always set resolutions in the past, and like many of us, only made it a few weeks before it was broken. This year I decided my resolution would be to finish some UFO's I have scattered around my place. No, not the Alien type of UFO. I'm talking about UnFinished Objects. We all have them. Whether you are an artist or not. I have a soccer ball that my group is beading. I'm about 1/3 of the way done with my part; can you believe how hard it is to bead that? Ugh. I have a few other Items sitting on my desk that have been there most of last year waiting for me to finish it. It's sad really. The only things that I have finished are the things I have deadlines for. So this year I am giving myself a deadline. This soccer ball that is driving me up the wall? January 21st. That's when my group is meeting next. I have 3 other things that I'm doing for said group and although I don't have a time limit on them, I am going to turn them in at the same time. I have to. I procrastinate too much as it is.

My other resolution is to write more, including writing on here. I have five or so story idea's that Have been lingering on my laptop begging for more attention. If I don't write it, someone else will! I'm not sure if they are going to OF or FF. I would like for them to be OF, but what if it's not good enough? Or worse yet: not original enough?

Lastly, I've been doing this for a couple of months now, I plan on going through my things and selling off and donating what I have no use for and eventually getting rid of the storage unit I have. I cringe when I think of how much I have spent on renting that thing out (almost $3,500; in case you're wondering). Think of what I could have spent that money on! Outrageous!

All in all I'm hoping for a successful 2012. I've come into the new year with my debt paid off and am looking forward to saving my hard earned money to move closer to my parents this spring. They need me, and let's face it; I need them too.

Haiku Me

Pencil on the floor
My beatings continue, still
I didn't do it

Get up, before sunrise
beat the rush, deal with people
sometimes, my job sucks

Lonely and heartbroken
Price charming doesn't exist
Oh well, life goes on

Reading and writing
my thoughts jumbled and a mess
I'll make it someday

People everywhere
talking, visiting, laughing
Sunny happy day

Bouncing and giggling
Always happy and carefree
uh oh, needs changing

Loneliness

Sometimes
The darkness gets to me.
I cry,
Thinking this is what my life will be.
Unwanted.
Untouchable.
Unlovable.
I've done things I'm not proud of.
They are all a part of my past,
who I used to be. I've grown.
Evolved.
No matter what,
I see what no one else does.
Maybe they do, and out of pity
they say nothing.
Whore
Slut
home wrecker.
Sadly,
I have had all these labels.
It's not who I am anymore,
No matter what,
It's a part of who I have become.
My past.
My experience.
My lesson.
My Failure.
Love given, not returned.
Darkness
Loss
Despair
Loneliness.